Special Data (May 11 * continued)


The last and best was the imitation of the presidents of Vitalis Dandruff Remover and Fitch Shampoo companies. While they talked the kept brushing their collars and shaking their coats, then Bob turned around and Bing brushed his coat and Ging turned around and Bob brushed his coat. Bob said, “Got much time?” Bing replied, “Oh, about 60 seconds.” Bob said, “Sixty seconds? Well some on!” and they began scrubbing each other’s heads. Bing called Bob “Chisle chin” as he left the stage, and Bob yelled, “So long Dumbo! Don’t go too fast or you’ll take off, with those ears. (By the way, Bing was actually dressed up!) Bob said that when he was in Washington, D.C., he found out what the D.C. stands for. Damned crowded! When Pat O’Brien walked out and said, “Hello, Texas,” I knew he was talking to me because he called me “Texas” last summer. Pat did several dramatic sketches and then did an Irish song and jig, and for an encore he and Bob did the jig together. Bob said, “Well, whatta you know! The’ve even got an Irish Conga!” (I’m running out of room, so will continue elsewhere.)

Bob introduced Cary Grant as one of Hollywood’s handsomest, best dressed leading men. Cary walked out on the stage and said, “Why, thanks, Bob. It’s sweet of you say that, because I have always thought of you as one of Hollywood’s handsomest, best-dressed men.” Bob said, “Do you really think so, Cary?” Cary replied, “Look, I learned my lines, I read my lines. Now don’t try to confuse me!” Bob said, “You’d better watch out there, Grant, or I’ll hide your curling iron tonight.” Cary said, “Yeah, and ditto with your girdle.” Then Bob started sulking and said, “Is that any way to treat me after all I’ve done for you? After all, what would you have done if I hadn’t loaned you my underwear today when you sent yours to the laundry?” Cary said, “You’re right, Bob. I’m sorry. It was mighty swell of you to lend me your underwear, but every once in a while the lace tickles.” Bob walked up to Cary and started feeling the material in his suit and examining it (a dark blue pin-striped suit). He finally said, “Isn’t it remarkable the designs they can print on Kleenex?” For once Cary had no reply.

When Bob first introduced Bing and started off the stage so Bing could sing, Bing yelled at him and said, “Oh, by the way, Hope, your laundry came back today. They refused it.” Bob threw him the dirtiest look I ever saw and walked the rest of the way off the stage. For Desi Arnaz’ second number he used a big conga drum about three feet long, and shaped something like this:line drawing of a conga drum that looks a little like a waffle cone. Bob brought it out to him and said, “What’ll you have—chocolate or vanilla?”

Naturally Bob talked about the California weather. He said, “This Texas weather is grand, but it just can’t compare with California weather. The weather out there is so invigorating that the caretakers have to walk around the graveyards all the time saying, “Come on now, fellas, lie down!”

Once Bob started across the stage carrying an open umbrella. Cary Grant started from the opposite side with an umbrella under his arm. Bob turned around, looked at Cary, held out his hand, shrugged his shoulders, closed the umbrella, and walked off without a single word.

What a show!


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