Dear Diary,

Hedda Hopper said today that Danny Kaye is in Hollywood waiting to be cast in a picture. She said she hoped they would team him with Bob Hope, because they would make a great team. I don’t know much about Danny Kaye, but I at least one half of the team would be great.

I read an article by Dorothy Kilgallen, called “If I Were the Queen of Hollywood.” She said first of all that Bob Hope would be her court jester. Later in the article she said, “I’d have Dorothy Lamour wear the old sweater and cap and let Bing Crosby and Bob Hope wear the sarong.” No! Keep Bob in that black sweater!

Dear Diary,

I saw in a magazine article today that the definition of a jeep, according to Bob Hope, is “a malted-milk machine that got drafter.” Really, Bob, I’d never have thought it of you. I really thought you had more pride than that.

There was a tribute to George Gershwin on the radio tonight. Some of the better known participants in the show were Bill Goodwin, Bing Crosby, Dinah Shore, Edward Arnold, the King’s Men, and Paul Whiteman and his orchestra. It was awfully good, and the King’s Men sang the most beautiful arrangement of “Bidin’ My Time” that I ever heard.

Dear Diary,

Bob Crosby took Bing’s place on the Kraft Music Hall tonight. He’s not as good as his brother of course, but he’ll do until another Bing Crosby comes along. I wish Bob Hope could be Bob Crosby’s guest just once before Bing returns. I can just imagine what the two Bob’s would have to say about Bing. If anyone should know all about him, they should be the ones. One of them is his brother and the other is one of his best friends. O-o-o, what they could tell! But I’ve come to the conclusion that Bob isn’t going to appear on any show other than his own!

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper today that Paramount has started production on their big all-star picture, “Star-Spangled Rhythm.” The picture will star just about every big name on the Paramount lot, including Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Cecil B. de Mille, Buddy De Sylva, Veronica Lake, Paulette Goddard, Dorothy Lamour, etc. Wow! What a show! I wonder what I’m going to do when I start listing Bob’s co-stars for “Star-Spangled Rhythm” in my record book. It’ll take the rest of the page that I’ve already started, if not more, I’ll have to buy another book for his next picture.

Dear Diary,

Tonight was Bing Crosby’s last show of the season, so at the end of the program he called up brother Bob, who will sub for Bing, to help Mary announce next weeks guests. Then Bing, with about two minutes to spare (and he needed every bit of it) said, “Well, so long. Be of good cheer. Farewell. Take good care of yourselves. Love each other. Adios.” Bob, Mary Martin, Ken Carpenter, and John Scott Trotter, in unison, said, “G’bye.” Bing said, “Every year I get the same enthusiastic farewell. I tell you, it’s heartwarming.” Well, even if they won’t miss you, Bing, I will. I hope you and Bob Hope get in several nice solid games of golf during the summer. Bob needs it for that pot of his.

Dear Diary,

Well, I did what I said I’d do. I listened to Bob Hope twice as hard this morning to make up for missing his short wave broadcast last Saturday. I do believe his show is funnier the second time that it is the first. I seems to improve with age. (Unlike other shows I could name, but won’t.) Bob discovered that in Washington there are ten girls to every male. He said, “To a soldier, that’s too many girls; it’s just enough for a sailor; but for a marine, it’s rationing!” When Bob asked Vera Vague if Bing Crosby was anxious for him to get back, Vera said, “No, I talked to Crosby, and he said you could just send it to him on payday.”

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope was in Quantico, (Is that the way to spell it?) Virginia, tonight, at a marine base. He’s staying in Washington, so naturally he talked about it all evening. He pulled that gag that he used on the Victory Caravan about finding out what D.C. stands for. Tonight he said, “Darned Crowded,” but those aren’t the words he used May 11. They were just a tiny bit stronger than that. Bob didn’t have a guest tonight, but won’t he be happy next week! Madeleine Carroll yet! Bob was talking to Frances Langford about the girls in Washington and Frances said, “Bob, you should be able to get a date with some nice girl here.” Bob said, “Yes, I did, but every time I got close to her, she’d move away. It was just no soap.” Fran: “How come?” Bob: “No soap!” Bob was talking about Crosby and said, “I should have given him another lift. Bing isn’t used to such speed.” (See preceding page)

Dear Diary,

On Hedda Hopper’s feature, “My Hat’s Off to You,” she took her hat off to Bing Crosby. She gets closer every week, but if she doesn’t hurry up and take her “hat off” to Bob Hope, I’m going to get mad. (I guess I’ll get mad.) I often find it rather difficult to realize that not everyone likes him as much as I do. However, I know she does like him some, because I’ve heard her say several times what a swell guy she thinks he is. And speaking of Bing, as I was at first, Hedda said he was in an automobile accident and was treated for minor injuries to his lip. He was released from the hospital after packs were applied.

The last and best was the imitation of the presidents of Vitalis Dandruff Remover and Fitch Shampoo companies. While they talked the kept brushing their collars and shaking their coats, then Bob turned around and Bing brushed his coat and Ging turned around and Bob brushed his coat. Bob said, “Got much time?” Bing replied, “Oh, about 60 seconds.” Bob said, “Sixty seconds? Well some on!” and they began scrubbing each other’s heads. Bing called Bob “Chisle chin” as he left the stage, and Bob yelled, “So long Dumbo! Don’t go too fast or you’ll take off, with those ears. (By the way, Bing was actually dressed up!) Bob said that when he was in Washington, D.C., he found out what the D.C. stands for. Damned crowded! When Pat O’Brien walked out and said, “Hello, Texas,” I knew he was talking to me because he called me “Texas” last summer. Pat did several dramatic sketches and then did an Irish song and jig, and for an encore he and Bob did the jig together. Bob said, “Well, whatta you know! The’ve even got an Irish Conga!” (I’m running out of room, so will continue elsewhere.)

Bob introduced Cary Grant as one of Hollywood’s handsomest, best dressed leading men. Cary walked out on the stage and said, “Why, thanks, Bob. It’s sweet of you say that, because I have always thought of you as one of Hollywood’s handsomest, best-dressed men.” Bob said, “Do you really think so, Cary?” Cary replied, “Look, I learned my lines, I read my lines. Now don’t try to confuse me!” Bob said, “You’d better watch out there, Grant, or I’ll hide your curling iron tonight.” Cary said, “Yeah, and ditto with your girdle.” Then Bob started sulking and said, “Is that any way to treat me after all I’ve done for you? After all, what would you have done if I hadn’t loaned you my underwear today when you sent yours to the laundry?” Cary said, “You’re right, Bob. I’m sorry. It was mighty swell of you to lend me your underwear, but every once in a while the lace tickles.” Bob walked up to Cary and started feeling the material in his suit and examining it (a dark blue pin-striped suit). He finally said, “Isn’t it remarkable the designs they can print on Kleenex?” For once Cary had no reply.

When Bob first introduced Bing and started off the stage so Bing could sing, Bing yelled at him and said, “Oh, by the way, Hope, your laundry came back today. They refused it.” Bob threw him the dirtiest look I ever saw and walked the rest of the way off the stage. For Desi Arnaz’ second number he used a big conga drum about three feet long, and shaped something like this:line drawing of a conga drum that looks a little like a waffle cone. Bob brought it out to him and said, “What’ll you have—chocolate or vanilla?”

Naturally Bob talked about the California weather. He said, “This Texas weather is grand, but it just can’t compare with California weather. The weather out there is so invigorating that the caretakers have to walk around the graveyards all the time saying, “Come on now, fellas, lie down!”

Once Bob started across the stage carrying an open umbrella. Cary Grant started from the opposite side with an umbrella under his arm. Bob turned around, looked at Cary, held out his hand, shrugged his shoulders, closed the umbrella, and walked off without a single word.

What a show!

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was a lot better tonight than he was last week. One of his guests was a badminton champion who graduated from Pamona college. Bing asked him how he liked Pamona, and the boy said he thought it was the finest town and the finest college in the country. Bing said, “Is that right? well, I’ll have to tell Bob Hope about that.” Bing is always making fun of Bob for making fun of Pamona, so I guess he just couldn’t resist the temptation. I remember he said something about it last August 23, a week before my jaunt to Del Mar, to a contestant from Pamona. He said he like Pamona no matter what Bob Hope said. (I’ll bet Bob mever mentioned it more than five times.)

Dear Diary,

I heard today that  Bob Crosby will replace brother Bing on the summer show. That’s certainly an improvement oer last summer’s KMH master of ceremonies – Don Ameche. Bob Crosby was the guest maestro on the Fitch Band Wagon today and he and Toby Reed talked the situation over. Bob said he might replace him for the summer, but he could never take his place. To prove it, he read one of his recent fan letters which asked him for a picture of Bing. Fine thing. That sounds  like a letter Bob Hope might write. But Bobby would reverse the procedure. He’s write to Bing and ask for Bob Crosby’s picture.

Dear Diary,

Well, until today my list of “crushes” included Bob Hope (over and above all others), Bing Crosby, Ray Milland (long ago), Van Heflin, and Jerry Lester (?). But today somebody else popped up. Betty Lou and I went to the Majestic today to wish Horace a happy birthday. We went to the stage-door after the show to wait for him, but everybody came out except Horace. However, we didn’t mind so much, because Red Ferrington made up for it. He passed once and said something to us, then he came back later and stood around and talked to us. When he wasn’t talking, he was singing or whistling so loud that we had to hold our ears. Once he started singing something about “They laughed when I sat down at the piano” and I added “They didn’t know you were from the finance company.” He looked at me in a very strange manner, and in a low basso voice he said, “Very good, my dear, very good.” He rattled on like that for about a half of an hour, and I liked it!


(newspaper clipping)

Ferrington’s Satisfied

Red Ferrington, comedian on the Horace Heidt Treasure Chest program which will be heard at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday over WFAA, got a picture bid but elected to stay with Heidt. Ferrington was one of the main attractions of Heidt’s theater shows in Texas.

Dear Diary,

Bob Crosby took Bing’s place on KMH tonight, because Bing and Bob Hope are still “charitying,” but Bing will be back on his program next week. On the other hand, Bob Hope will continue his tour of army camps and other volunteer service work until the end of the season. Gosh, his poor family! By the time the season is over it will have been over a month since he left California. He must miss them a lot, because last Tuesday he closed the show with “Good-night, Linda,” and he very seldom does that. In fact, I think it’s about the fourth time he’s ever done it. Pretty soon Tony will be getting old enough to know who’s speaking to him on the radio and Bob will direct his “Good-nights” to him.

Dear Diary,

And I thought I enjoyed myself Feb. 11!! I have never seen anything to equal what I saw tonight. I exspected Bob Hope to look and act rather sick, but he didn’t look as if he knew the meaning of the word. The program lasted 3½ hours and I was weak by the time it was half over. Bob was never funnier than he was with Bing Crosby tonight. They first gave an imitation of the presidents of the Pepsi Cola and Coca Cola companies. Bing was Pepsi and Bob was Cokey. They started at opposite ends of the stage, trotted across, met at the center mike, and burped in unison. Next came an imitation of the presidents of the Pepsodent and Ipana companies. Bob said, “You be Ipana. I want to keep my job.” The same routine, except they meet in the center, shake hands, and begin gargling. Next it’s two Ft. Worth business men. After they shake hands they start digging feverishly in each other’s pockets. Next came two farmers. Bob came in scraping his feet, and Bing milked his thumbs instead of shaking hands. (See Special Data)

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper today that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby took time out in Chicago to play a golf game, the proceeds from which go to a local Chicago fund. Gee, it would be swell if they did that in Dallas too. But I doubt if they will, because, after all it was only three months ago that they did that very thing here in Dallas for the Red Cross. It really doesn’t make a lot of difference, though, because I’ll see them Monday night, golf or no golf.

I got two or three pictures of Bob today. The magazines they were in contained reviews of “My Favorite Blond,” and you should hear the way the all praise Bob!

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby had several guests tonight and one of them was the Texan that President Roosevelt talked about last Tuesday. Another guest was Gene Tunney, so they naturally talked about sports. Gene asked, “What’s your favorite sport, Bing?” Bing replied, “Oh, I caddy for Bob Hope.”

I also learned on Bing’s show tonight that he will be here May 11. Up until now his appearance wasn’t certain, but just a possibility. But tonight, when he announced next week’s guests, he said Bob, the “hep” Crosby, would take his place next week. He didn’t say anything about the tour, but in Bing’s language that means he’ll be here. In fact he didn’t actually say he wouldn’t be on the show next week, but I’ used to his way of saying things by now.

Dear Diary,

Although Bing Crosby had only one guest tonight, the program was better than it has been in some time. Bing and Mary Martin were talking about saving materials for the government, and Mary said, “Why, Bing, do you realize that just sixty-two little tooth-paste tubes will hod together all the radio connections for a big bomber?” Bing replied, “Yeah, and it doesn’t take much more that that to hold Bob Hope together.”

Victor Borge was better tonight, because he stuck mostly to his music. He was funny all right, but in a musical sort of way. I think he must realize that he’s not nearly as good a comedian as he is a pianist, although when he combines the two, the results are pleasant enough.

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper today that tickets for the army-navy relief show were priced at $1.50, $3.00, $5.00, $10.00, and $25.00. I think I’ll buy a $5.00 ticket. Boy, am I desperate to see Bob Hope. But it’s worth it. My only wish is that Bob is either the m.c. or the last one on the program. If he’s near the the first I’ll have forgotten everything he says by the time the show’s over. It’s going to last about three hours, and everybody in Hollywood who is anybody will be here. There’s a possibility that Bing will be here, but he may not be able to make it. I hope he can, because I hardly saw him the last time he was here (and I think you know when I mean.) I didn’t even get to see him and Bob together but once for about five minutes.

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper today that Sam Goldwyn has signed Dinah Shore to appear in the picture he’s going to make which will star Bob Hope and Dorothy Lamour. Boy, Bob certainly gets surrounded by singers in his pictures. There has been Shirley Ross, Martha Raye, Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour, Dona Drake, and now Dinah Shore. It’s strange that novody let’s Bob sind an entire song all by himself (or is it so strange?) But I solemnly swear that before I leave the realm of worldly things, I shall hear him sing a song all the way through—with no other vocal accompaniment. Just little Bobby!

Dear Diary,

I finally found out what became of Jerry Lester. He’s in New York appearing at the Strand Theater, which would make it appear that he left the Crosby show of his own accord. If that is true, I offer my humble apologies to Bing Crosby. (But he still shouldn’t have let Jerry leave the show.) From all the talk of Jerry Lester that I’ve been flinging around the last few weeks one might think I was slightly That Way about him, but please don’t get me wrong. I’ll never like anyone like I like Bob Hope, but I do think Jerry is a swell comedian, and I miss hearing him on Bing’s program every Thursday night. I hope he gets on another program pretty soon.

Dear Diary,

I hate to say this, but Bing Crosby’s program is definitely not as good as it is been. It is slipping. As a matter of fact, Mr. Crosby himself ain’t what he used to be. Bing hardly did anything really funny tonight, and he didn’t sing any good songs. To top off all that, he didn’t say about word about next weeks guests. Can you imagine? All that added on to the Jerry Lester affair has me awfully disappointed in Bing. I’ll be glad to see Bing and Bob Hope in “The Road to Morocco.” Maybe that picture will restore my faith in Bing, (as well as provide another picture to see a dozen times on account of Bob.) I surely hope it’s only temporary, ’cause he’s a swell guy.

Dear Diary,

Can you imagine? Bing Crosby didn’t say one single word about Bob Hope on his program tonight. I simply can’t believe that Crosby could put on even one show without saying something about Bob Hope. It doesn’t seem like him. Oh well. Bing hasn’t seemed like himself in a lot of ways recently, and the first sign was letting Jerry Lester go. That, I’ll never understand. But there I go again. I said I wasn’t going to bring up that subject again. Anyway, maybe Jer will show up on another program or maybe even his own program, and then I can stop beefing for once and for all.

Dear Diary,

I guess I was so mad last night while listening to Bing Crosby that I didn’t hear the mention of my true love. It seems that Walter Huston was showing Bing and Mary Martin a picture of Madeleine Corroll’s home, as a sample of fine architecture, and Mary remarked, “It’s a lovely house, but look at that strange fire-plug. It has such a long snout.” Bing said, “That’s no fire-plug; That’s Bob Hope.”

My! my! how clever our Mr. Crosby is becoming. But he wasn’t clever enough to keep Jerry Lester. That, I can’t get over!

I got several new pictures of Bob today. I guess I’ll have to take time off some day and count all those pictures of mine. There must be a million of ’em.

Dear Diary,

If I weren’t such a good girl, I’d curse like a sailor right now. I don’t know who caused it or why, but Jerry Lester’s contract has been dropped, and he is no longer on the Kraft Music Hall. I noticed last week that Bing Crosby didn’t mention Jerry for this week’s program, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. Then I saw in the paper this morning that Mary Martin’s and Victor Borge’s contracts had been renewed, but there was no mention of Jerry. And the final blow was that Jerry wasn’t on the show tonight. Dam—uh, darn it anyhow. At any rate, I will soon be seeing Jer in “Sleepy Time Gal,” a picture also boasting Skinnay Ennis, a certain orcherstra leader on a certain Bob Hope radio program.

Dear Diary,

I guess “My Favorite Blonde” is a better picture than I expected, because today Walter Winchell gave it, and Bob Hope, a New Yorchid in his column.

Hedda Hopper said today that Buddy De Sylva is planning a picture whose cast will include every start at Paramount, such as Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Fred Astaire, Rochester, etc. That’s something I’ve been wishing someone would do for a long time. I’ll bet there would be little or no trouble getting people inside theaters, since their favorite will probably be in the picture. Hedda Hopper also said that on the set of “The Road to Morocco” the other day there was a call for a chimpanzee and a parrot that does not curse. Frankly I didn’t know there was any such thing.

Dear Diary,

Jean and Betty Lou and I went to Wee St Andrews today and played miniature golf. Gee, more fun! I felt like Bob Hope, in a small way. Evidently Jean must have felt like Bing Crosby, because she won two games out of two. Poor Betty Lou came in on the tail end of both games, which, of course, left me second both times. We’re going again next week if we ossibly can. I’m determined to beat Jean.

After we finished playing, we went to Lake Cliff and walked around the entire lake. But you might know that when we found a nice shady spot with a good view of the lake, we sat down and looked for a while. We all felt as if we had walked around Texas by the time we got home.

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was good tonight—as usual—but something strange happened. At least it was strange for a Crosby program. He didn’t even mention Bob Hope.

Speaking of Bob Hope, as I do at every opportunity, I saw a picture in the school paper this morning of one of Sunset’s lettered baseball players. The guy looked so darned much like Bob he could easily pass as his brother. I quickly looked to see who it was. And of all people, it was John Ligon, a boy I’ve known all my life, although I haven’t seen him for two or three years. Donald runs around with John and his younger brother a lot, but his brother is the only one who ever shows up around here, so I didn’t even recognize John.

Dear Diary,

Today the Movie-Radio Guide published the ballets for its annual radio poll. Bob Hope won in several divisions last year, and if I have anything to say about it, he’s going to do the same thing this year. I’m going vote for him in the following divisions: Star of Stars, Best Comedian, Best Variety program, and My Favorite Program. I would vote for him in all the other divisions, but it might look rather strange calling Bob the best female singer of popular songs, or best radio actress. I would also vote for him as best male singer of popular songs, but I figured I should give Bing Crosby a little break. After all, he’s not such an awfully bad singer. (Am I kidding?)

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was arfully good tonight, as was Mary Martin, Victor Borge, Ken Carpenter, John Trotter, and all the guests. I imagine Jerry Lester was good too, but I sneezed during his allotted time and missed him. That makes me so mad! Darn it, Jerry’s good, so why doesn’t he get more time on that program? He used to have five or ten minutes.

I got an article out of the morning paper about some of the nonsense going on on the set of “The Road to Morocco.” Bing and Bob Hope are cutting up as they usually do when they get together. I imagine this will be Bob’s best picture since “Road to Zanzibar.”

I finally got that picture of Bing Crosby taken just after he ripped his pants in Phoenix. A spectator is kneeling down mending Bing’s pants with a spectators badge. Bob is standing by, grinning from ear to ear.

Dear Diary,

I got a few pictures today of Bob Hope presenting academy awards. In the same magazine there was an article about Bob’s and Bing Crosby’s new picture, “The Road to Morocco.” It said that although Bing winds up with Dorothy Lamour again, Bob gets Dona Drake, who is also nice. If you ask me, she’s a great deal nicer than Dorothy. If I were a man, I had certainly rather wind up with Dona Dottie. Dona can sing better, she’s cuter, and (in pictures at least) she has a nicer personality. I really don’t know whether to believe the article or not, because they said that he got Una Merkel in “The Road to Zanzibar,” but he just barely hinted in the picture that he might get to like her. So-o-o-o-?

Dear Diary,

Because of the open house at Sunset tonight I didn’t hear all of Bing Crosby’s program. The part I missed would have to be the first part, because during that time there are such attractions a Jerry Lester, Victor Borge, Pat O’Brien, and the funniest stuff Bing does all evening. All I heard was the dull, uninteresting last half, which usually presents the duller, more serious quests. I wouldn’t have minded so much except that in the first part of the program is when Bing talks about my friend (and his) Bob Hope, if he mentions him at all. Besides, we didn’t have a very good time anyway. (Jean, Mrs. White, Mother and I all went together.)

Dear Diary,

I got several pictures of Bob Hope from some new magazines today. They were all pretty good pictures, but something in connection with one of them gave me something to think about. It was a review of “Louisiana Purchase,” and the reviewer said that it was Victor Moore’s show. She did admit, however, that Bob Hope was no one to be easily eclipsed, and that as usual he was a panic. Of course, I’ve heard one or two other columnists say the same thing about Moore, but I never exspected it from this one, because she has always seemed so one hundred per-cent Hope. Before Bob was so popular with others (he had already made a hit with me) this reviewer always told how Bob stole the show from Bing Crosby or whoever might have been in the picture. But now that Bob’s on top she says someone steals the show from him. Could it be that she’s for the underdog? Hm-m, could be!

Dear Diary,

I don’t think I ever heard anything as crazy as those two nuts, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, were tonight. Hedy Lamarr couldn’t decide which of the two she wanted, so while she was trying to decide, Bob and Bing had to sleep together. Naturally they started arguing. Bing (alias Henry) said, “You’d probably do anything to get her. Why you even look like the kind of a guy who’d joke about Bing Crosby’s horses.” Bob (alias Bill) replied, “Oh, no, I have more respect for the dead than that.” The two of them finally decided that she’d never make up her mind alone, so they decided to force her to make a decision. Henry said, “Dear we’ve decided that you’ve just been playing with us like an octapuss plays with—Uh, Bill, what does an octapuss play with?” Bill replied, “Another octapuss.”

P.S. She never did decide.

Dear Diary,

Gee, is Texas getting a lot of publicity lately. Deep in the Heart of Texas is second on the Hit Parade now. I’ve been keeping account and I’ve heard it on the radio ten times this week by just listening to the programs I always hear. I’ll bet if Bob Hope sang it on his program it would be first pretty soon (maybe.) Oh yes, speaking of Bob Hope, I’m just wondering what’s going to happen on that poor Gulf Screen Guild Theater tomorrow when Bob, Bing Crosby, and Hedy Lamarr take over in the play, “Too Many Husbands.” That’s going to be hot stuff. I’m just trying to figure out which one of the two will turn out to be “excess” baggage.

Dear Diary,

One of Bing Crosby’s guests tonight was Jack Teagarden. He told Bing he opened at a new theater about the same time Bing Bob Hope were in Texas. He said he knew because he had flown over Dallas a couple of days before he opened in California and had seen the two of them playing down below. Bing asked, “But how did you know that was Sickle-snoot and me playing down there?” Jack said, “Because two of the foursome were on the fairway and the other two were on the Road to Zanzibar.” Jack continued, “You and Hope must have made a lot of money for the Red Cross there in Dallas. There were at least 8,000 people in that crowd.” Bing said, “Aw, how could you count all those people from way up there?” Jack:”Just like I count hep-cats on the dance floor. I count all the arms and legs I can see swinging around and divide by four.”

Dear Diary,

I was calmly sitting by my radio today, listening to the closing announcements on the Gulf Screen Guild Theater. Joan Bennett and Robert Young were the guests, and they were talking to Roger Pryor. Joan said, “Roger, is is true what they’re saying about you? You’ve heard about it haven’t you, Bob?” Bob replied, “Yes, I have, but I didn’t want to mention anything about it until I made sure.” Finally Roger said, “Gee whiz, what on earth are you two talking about?” Joan said, “Why, Roger, you know what we mean. And if it’s true, I want to be the first to congratulate you. We have heard that next week your guests will be Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and Hedy Lamarr.” That was a complete surprise to me. I knew he was supposed to be on the Silver Theater in a few weeks, but I didn’t know about this.

* Wednesday February 11

Dear Diary,

I have more room here so I can go into detail a little more about seeing Bob Hope. I got there a little early and watched Bob get in a few practice shots. I really didn’t expect him to be half as good as he was, but he fooled me. I also saw Bing Crosby and Johnny Weismuller practicing. I didn’t see Bing any after that, but I saw Johnny once more. I was walking along behind Bob (close enough to touch him) when we passed the foursome Weismuller was in. Bob yelled over and asked him how “Tarzan” was doing, and ended by attempting a Tarzan yell. Johnny made a “V for victory” sign with his fingers and actually let out part of the famous yell.

Although I have seen Bob before, I have never seen him so close. He actually is handsomer off the screen that I think he is on, and I heard a lot of other people saying so too. Every time Bob made a shot he’s do something to let out his emotions. On one particularly hard hold, everyone else in his foursome was just barely making it in par, and up popped Bob who made it in just about half of par. He started jumping up and down and flapping his arms as if they were wings. On another hole he shot a beautiful ball and everyone just knew it would land right on the green, but it fooled us and went right over it. He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and moaned, “Oh, no! No! They can’t do this to us. Somebody call a cop!”

Bob was walking along with a bunch of small boys once, when Louise Suggs, another member of Bob’s foursome, ran into a couple of the boys. She said, “Pardon me, boys.” And without an instant’s hesitation Bob sang, “Pardon me, boys. It that the Chatanooga Choo-Choo? Well, yes!”

Bob wore a sweater that is rather difficult to describe. It wasn’t red and it wasn’t wine colored. It just struck a medium—and not a very happy one either. However, I must admit it made it easy for me to find him when he mingled with the crowd. He wore dark gray pants, and his shoes—well, they just about the the description Crosby gave them in “The Road To Zanzibar”—twelve double a’s. At least that’s the ipression I got at first glance. I gradually got used to them.

When that gang of boys was following Bob, one of them made a remark that Bob pretended not to like one bit. He said, “Listen, sonny, I’m too big to beat you up, and my kid’s too little, but I’ll bet if he saw you he’d spit in your eye!”

Every once in a while Bob’s ball was between the cup and some other ball. When that happened, he would drop a coin where the ball was and move the ball out of the way. He always had a hard time finding the coin, but one time in particular he spent about four minutes just turning around and looking for the place where he dropped the coin. Finally someone in the gallery yelled, “What’s the matter, Bob, don’t you know where your ball’s supposed to be?” Bob answered, “To heck with the ball! Where’s my dime?” Once he accidentaly dropped several coins and someone asked him if he was rich. He said, “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just bragging.”

By the end of the eighteenth hole I was no longer walking—my feet were just moving from memory. Bob looked at a couple of boys and said, “You want to earn an easy 50¢? Just carry me the rest of the way in.”

However, he wasn’t too tired to kid the spectators a little after the game, over the loudspeaking system. He say, “Boy, on those first nine holes I was really going to town, but on the last nine I was pretty stupid. I took one swing at my ball and missed. I took another swing and missed. There were two little ants sitting on the ground, and one of them said to the other, ‘For heaven’s sake, let’s get up on the guy’s ball before he murders us.'” In speaking of Mady Carroll he said, “Mady and I are just like that. (Holding up three fingers.) That’s Will Hayes in the middle.”

The crowd wanted him to sing “Thanks for the Memory” but all we could get out him were gags and the first line.

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was back on his program tonight, apparently none the worse for his recent gold tour (and two week vacation). It seems that Bing had a little trouble with his pants in Phoenix—he ripped ’em. Ken Carpenter told him he should take along two pair of pants on golf tours like that, and Jerry Lester piped up with, “Yeah, you should try that, Bing. Aftwr all if you have two par of pants on a golf trip, you shouldn’t mind making a hole in one.” Mur-der! Ken said a picture of the little incident of the back of Bing’s lap appears in the new issue of Time.

I saw in the paper today that Bing Crosby, Bob Hope and Babe Ruth are “goin’ golfin'” for sweet charity in California soon. Lucky California! Lucky charity! (What the heck am I talking about?)

Dear Diary,

I saw the most unusual thing about Bob Hope’s new picture in the paper today. He and Madeleine Carroll are the stars, but it appears that as a surprise the producers put in a cute little sequence involving one Bing Crosby. His name will not appear on any billing, but he does play a bit part. In one scene Bob was walking along a dark street and stopped to ask a fellow for a match. The “fellow” turned out to be Bing Crosby. Bob walked on a few steps, stopped suddenly, turned around, and murmured, “It can’t be!”

That picture (“My Favorite Blond”) sounds like it’s going to be a rip-snorter. Bob Hope is a vaudeville entertainer and Mady Carroll is suspected of being a spy. Bob gets mixed up with her and before you know it, Bob is suspected too.

Dear Diary,

I went to the Telenews theatre today and saw some scenes from “A Benefit ‘Tee'” starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Johnny Weismuller. Naturally they only showed one shot each of Bing and Johnny, and devoted several minutes to scenes of Bob Hope in the midst of a bunch of beautiful girls in shorts. I didn’t see that being taken, because they did it before the thing started and before I got out there, so I was very glad to get a chance to see some of the things I missed. They also showed Bob teeing off on one hole. I remembered  that, because Bob had acted especially cute on that shot. But despite that, he was cutest with those girls. They kept messing up his hair by running their hands through it, so he reached over and pretended to mess up one girl’s hair. But he knew better than to ruin her coiffure.

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper this morning that although the PGA had offered to pay the expenses of all the golfers who participated in the Brook Hollow event, not one turned in an expense account. It was reported that when offered expenses, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and Johnny Weismuller laughed out loud. Mother (the cute thing) said they were probably laughing about all the things they had done that they couldn’t put on an expense acount. She may have been right, but you must admin it wasn’t the nicest thing she could have said about such gallantry(?).

Daddy and Mr. Post went to Washington D.C. on a sleeper plane tonight. Mother and I went to Love Field with them to bring the car home, and I saw the inside of the new air terminal for the first time. It’s certainly a beautiful building.

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was still absent from the Kraft Music Hall, and Mickey Rooney attempted to take his place again. But even thought Crosby wasn’t there, Crosby was one of the guests. Maybe I’d better explain myself. Bing Crosby, alias Gravelthroat, was not there, but Bob Crosby, alias Hepcat, was one of the guests. If they hadn’t announced that it was Bob nobody would have known it wasn’t Bing, because they sho ’nuff sound alike. You know, I often wonder if any of Bob Hope’s brothers have a voice like Bob’s. After all, Bing and Bob Crosby sound alike, Don and Jim Ameche sound alike, Clifton and William Fadiman sound alike, so why shouldn’t Bob and Fred or Jim or Jack or Syd or Ivor or George Hope sound alike? I also wonder if Bing’s other brothers, Everett, Ted, and Larry sound like Bing (Harry) and Bob (George).

Dear Diary,

Hedda Hopper mentioned a little about Bob Hope and Bing Crosby on her program today. She merely said that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby made over $60,000 for the Red Cross in their three appearances in Texas, and that at times the crowds were so thick they had to play golf on top of them. That’s pretty nearly true too. I hope she gained her information from Bob first hand, because that would mean that he got back to Hollywood in time to get in one or two rehearsals for his radio program tomorrow night. At the game I heard hi say that he would be on and that his guest would be Babe Ruth (if available), but I thought he might have changed his mind and stayed to see the finals f the Texas Opens in San Antonio.

Dear Diary,

I stayed in bed all day today trying to get rid of this darn cold of mine. I pasted a few pictures of Bob Hope in my scrap book and did some of my home-work but other than that, all I’ve done today is be lazy.

I saw in the morning paper that Bob Hope shot an 81 at San Antonio yesterday. You had better watch out, Bob. That’s ten over par, and you were only eight over par in Houston Thursday. (However, it is quite an improvement over the score he made in Dallas Wednesday. He was sixteen over par then. It seems that Bob is always shooting in the low eighties, and Bing Crosby, as a rule, shoots in the middle seventies. Could it be that Bing’s a better golfer than Bob? Could be.

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby wasn’t on his show tonight because he and Bob Hope played golf in Houston and they play in San Antonio tomorrow. Speaking of golf, I simply can not get that match I saw yesterday completely out of my mind. In fact, I don’t try very hard to forget it—I don’t even try at all. I just wish I could think of a few more things Bob said and did yesterday. I did think of one or two things. Once Bob’s ball landed behind a tree. When he was told where it was, he said, “Are you kiddin’?” He shaded his eyes and looked over towards the ball, and when he saw the crowd standing around the ball, he said, “Hey, don’t just stand there. Kick the ball. Kick the ball!” A funny-looking photographer was taking Bob’s picture. He was making all kinds of funny faces and taking a long time. Bob took one look at the fellow’s face and said, “Hurry up, Orson, you’re scaring me.”

Dear Diary,

I should be writing this in red pencil, because today has certainly been a red-letter day in my life. I watched Bob Hope play golf for four solid hours. I got his autograph, and even talked to him a little. As a rule I would be thrilled to even touch him, but I touched him so many times today that I stopped counting them after about  the twentieth time. He played a beautiful game of golf, but the scores weren’t announced, so I probably won’t know what he made until I read it in the paper tomorrow. I saw Bing Crosby once or twice today; but I was so busy watching Bob that I didn’t pay much attention to Bing. Bob kept cracking jokes every minute. It’s a wonder his voice didn’t crack with his gags. It didn’t matter if he made a wonderful shot or a lousy shot. He always had something cute to say or do along with it. I didn’t get to see his famous ring because he had a glove on his lift hand.

(see Special Data)

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby didn’t say anything about his forthcoming trip to Texas on his show tonight. In fact, he didn’t even make the direct statement that he wouldn’t be on his show next week. He just said that Mickey Rooney would be around next week to cut capers with the old music hall, which in Bing’s language is the same as saying that Rooney will take over next week in the absence of old “Gravelthroat.”

For the second consecutive time Jerry Lester had less than thirty or fourty words to say during the whole program. How an they expect him to grow up to be like Bob Hope someday if they never let him say anything? (Maybe they’re afraid he will—as if he could.)

Victor Borge was so hot tonight. Bing should have given his spot to Jerry, who is better than Vic anyhow.

Dear Diary,

I got two pictures of Bob Hope today, and he had his arm around a girl in both of them. One of the girl’s was Betty Hutton and the other was Paulette Goddard. Boy, does that guy get around. Every day I find pictures of him with a different gal. I wonder if he ever gets tired of posing with beautiful women. (Am I kidding?)

Bob Hope and Bing Crosby finally made up their very changeable minds and decided to come to Dallas February 11 after all. If they could always come out with decisions like that, I wouldn’t care if they took six or seven months to make up their minds. I have my ticket already, because I saw in the paper yesterday that they were definitely coming. I wasted no time in getting my ticket yesterday afternoon.

Dear Diary,

Boy, if Bob Hope ever got publicity he got it from Bing Crosby tonight. Mady Carroll was one of Bing’s guests, and where there’s Carroll there’s talk of Hope. Bing said until Hope started in on her, people had thought of Mady as a beautiful, intelligent actress. But when “Chisel chin” finished talking about her peop;le thought of her as the kind of dame who walked through French doors without opening them. Hmm—could be.

Sam Sneade was another guest. He was there mainly because he and Bing are partners in a golf match in San Diego. Bing asked Sam how he thought they’d do in the match. Sam said, “I don’t know. You see I have a pretty big handicap—Crosby.” Bing said, “You should worry about a little think like that. Ben Hogan has Hope.”

Can you imagine—B.H. (Bob Hope) is a golf partner of B.H. (Ben Hogan).

Dear Diary,

I went to the symphony concert today. Sydney Foster was the guest soloist. He played Tschaikowsky’s Piano Concrto in B-flat Minor—the whole thing, and played the way it was written (for a change)

At the end of the Silver Theater today they announced that Bob Hope would be the guest next week. I was at the concert at the time and didn’t hear it, but I think they said it, because last week when Bing Crosby was the guest they announced that two weeks from that day Bob Hope would be the guest. And, although I would not swear to it, I think I will hear Bob Hope twice next week, just as I did last week. Why doesn’t he do that more often?

Dear Diary,

I read Bob Hope’s book “They Got Me Covered” again today, and it was twice as good the second time as it was the first. I don’t thing I ever laughed as much as I did reading that thing over the second time. I had forgotten a whole lot of it, and reading it again kind of brought back pleasant memories of the near past.

In the paper today I read the names of a few of the people who are going to be on the March of Dimes on the air tomorrow night. Naturally Bob Hope is included, plus Bing Crosby and three or four dozen other very notable notables. it gives me the funniest feeling to hear about a think like that—a lot of big people helping even more little people. I really gives me something to think about. (for a change)

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was as good tonight as he’s been in a long time. Victor Borge wasn’t quite as good as usual, but Jerry Lester had never been better. And I mean never. He was hitting on all cylinders. As a matter of fact, he reminded me of Bob Hope more tonight than he ever has before, and he always reminds me of him a little. I don’t think it’s intentional. He just seems to open his mouth and out it comes. One of his stooges  mis-pronounced his name tonight, and almost called him Mr. Lettuce. Right there was when he sounded most like Bob—telling the girl how to spell and pronounce his name.

When Bing was announcing next week’s guests, he said, “Next week we’ll be joined by—wait’ll Hope hears—Madeleine Carroll. (I’ll bet when Hope hears, he’ll also be on Bing’s show next week.)

Dear Diary,

On Hedda Hopper’s program today she said, “When Bob Hope was asked to donate some of his blood to help in C.B. de Mille’s drive for blood for the Red Cross, Bob replied, ‘I’ve given my life’s blood to Paramount, but, C.B., if there’s a drop lieft in me, you’re welcome to it.'”

Dorothy Lamour was Fred Allen’s guest tonight. He asked her if she didn’t get tired of working with animals. She said, “Yes, it does get rather tiresome. I’ve worked with lions, tigers, monkeys, snakes, apes, gorillas, Bing Crosby, Bob Hope—” Allen described Bing Crosby as a bundle for Britain that had lost its string. He said Bob’s face looked like a scythe covered with flesh. He said he saw Hope in technicolor, and he came out a dirty pastel Fred and Dorothy spent about ten minutes talking about nothing but Bob and Bing.

Dear Diary,

I had rather a disappointment today. The papers, instead of saying Bob Hope and Bing Crosby might be here, they said Bing Crosby might be here. Bob Hope’s name was almost completely omitted. I said almost because there was on little article that said something about there still being a chance of Bob and Bing coming for a benefit match. Even though that’s all it said, it gave me a straw to hang on to.

I heard on the Silver Theater today that Bob Hope might be on that program two weeks from today. Bing Crosby was guest today.

Jack Benny wasn’t on his show tonight. I figured it had something to do with Carole Lombard’s tragic death yesterday, and sure enough, Walter Winchell confirmed my thoughts. He said Benny just didn’t feel like being gay and merry at a time like this.

Dear Diary,

The paper started playing up the possibility yesterday that Bing Crosby and Bob Hope might be here, but there was sill nothing definite about it today. They just said it was a strong possibility.

I got my stories straight today about awards given to Bob Hope, Rita Hayworth and Bette Davis. Bob and Rita were awarded the honor of being Hollywood’s most “photogenerous” stars, and Bob and Bette were named as most coöperative stars. In other words, that’s two awards for Bob, instead of one, as I had thought until today.

I saw in the morning paper that Sam Goldwyn will make five pictures this year. One of them will be called “Treasure Chest,” starring Bob Hope. The arrangements for that picture were made over a year ago. I guess Sam (or Bob) has been kinda busy.

Dear Diary

Bing Crosby’s program would have been awfully good tonight if I had heard it all, but Jeanne was using our typewriter and I couldn’t enjoy all the program. But what I heard was extra good. Victor Borge was wonderful with his “Mozart” opera, which had never before been heard. He was the tenor, soprano, chorus (which didn’t know why it was there, so it left without singing anything), the villain, and orchestra with piano accompaniment—all at once.

It appears that Jerry Lester is making a picture at Universal. It also appears that the picture he’s in is the same one that Skinnay Ennis is working in—the one I mentioned in the entry yesterday. That’s a coincidence, my one of my favorite comedians in a picture with the stooge of Bob Hope, my favorite.

There was more in the paper today about Bing Crosby and Bob Hope and their benefit golf tour. According to the paper, there’s still nothing definite, but the chances are strong that they’ll be here. I hope this isn’t another one of those “trips to Texas” that never materialize. If dreams mean anything, I had an odd one last night that might have pertained to this trip to Texas. It seems that I was in Hollywood, watching Bob make a picture. After the scene was over I decided I wanted his autograph, so I got at the end of a long line and waited, all the time watching him sign autographs for others. When I got to him however, he wasn’t there, and in his place was a woman. She handed me a huge stack of photographs, all autographed but one—the only one of Bob in the stack. What does it mean? I dunno.

Dear Diary,

Hedda Hopper said today that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby are to be two of the many stars on the annual March of Dimes program this year. Bob was on last year, but I don’t believe Bing was. In fact, now that I think about it a little I’m almost positive that he wasn’t. I hope they’re on together, because if they are, they’ll probably sing, and Bob has just got to sing. Whether it’s a solo or a duet it doesn’t matter, because I so seldom get a chance to hear him sing that just to hear his merry voice burst forth in song would be a great treat for my hungry ears. (Good gosh! Did that come out of me?) The general idea is that I want to hear Bob sing.

Dear Diary,

As usual, the Kraft Music Hall was sell tonight. It appears that Jerry Lester became the father of a boy last week. Bing asked him if everyone wanted to hold the baby on their lap, and Jerry replied, “Well, no, Bing. Not since the government announced a shortage of rubber.” Bing and Mary Martin sang three songs tonight that they sang in “Birth of the Blues.” Jerry joined them in “The Waiter and the Porter and the Upstairs Maid.”

I was reading the paper today, and when I came to the sports page, I saw that Bing Crosby and Bob Hope are arranging a trip here early in February to do a benefit golf match for the Red Cross. On the amusement page it said that reports that Bing and Bob would be here had not been confirmed!

Dear Diary,

I forgot one little detail about Cecil B. de Mille’s visit on Bob Hope’s show last night. After Bob had recovered a little, C.B. said, “How do you feel about receiving this grand award, Bob? Aren’t you a little nervous?” Bob replied, “Oh, no, I always chew my script like this.” (I had meant to add that little incident last night, but I forgot it ’til now. I guess one time is as good as another though, so I put it in tonight.)

I saw in the paper today that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby are going to make a picture together. It will be called “True to Life.” Bing will play the part of a goof who has a silly notion he can sing like Bing Crosby. Can you imagine? The paper didn’t say what Bob will play, but if he’s in it, you can bet he’ll play.

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper this morning that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby have volunteered their sevices for a Red Cross benefit golf match, along with the Professional Golfer’s Association. Hedda Hopper said the same thing some time ago, but she said something about the tour being in Texas, and the article in the paper said the dates and locations were to be chosen later, to fit in with Bob’s and Bing’s picture assignments. I sure hope Hedda Hopper knew what she was talking about.

I went to the symphony concert today. The guest soloist was the Dealey Award winner Morgan Knott. He is a wonderful pianist all right, but I enjoyed the orchestral part of the concert more than I did his numbers.

Dear Diary,

I went to the Cotton Bowl game today. Alabama defeated Texas A. & M. 29 to 21. It was so cold at the game that my feet almost broke off. As a matter of fact, this has been one of the coldest days in Dallas in almost two years.

Mary Martin joined the gang on the Kraft Music Hall tonight. She took Connie Boswell’s place, since Connie is going ona long personal appearance tour throughout the East. Victor Borge gave a repeat performance of his phoenetic (Is that the way to spell it?) punctuation. Not only that, but he also became a regular member of the gang tonight. With all those good stars on the program (including Jerry Lester and Bing), it is second to only one program—Bob Hope.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope and Rita Hayworth were on Lux Radio Theatre tonight after the play. They were given silver trophies for being the two most photogenerous stars. Not only that, but it was announced that Bob Hope and Hedy Lamarr would be guests on the Lux Radio Theatre in the play “The Bride Came C.O.D.”. Imagine! That’ll mean that Bob Hope kidnaps Hedy Lamarr. I’ll bet he wouldn’t mind. I mean, really!

Hedda Hopper said today that Bing Crosby and Bob Hope are planning that benefit golf tour through Texas that they postponed ten months ago.

Dear Diary,

I signed up for civilian defense today. I’m afraid they won’t call me about it, because so may signed for it, but if they want me, I’m their’s for the asking if they need me. My first choice on the program was messenger service. If I’m called, I hope I can do that.

Victor Borge was on Bing Crosby’s program tonight. H’e still good, and I still say so, but loud! And I still say Jerry Lester is good, but louder! And I still say Bob Hope is good, but loudest!

Dear Diary,

Germany and Italy declared war on the United States about 10:00 this morning. The U.S. retaliated with a declaration of war on Italy and Germany at 2:00 this afternoon.

That Danish comedian was on Bing Crosby’s show again tonight. He’s really good, and I won’t be at all surprised is he becomes one of the outstanding comedians of the future entertainment field. He will be on Bing’s show next week too, so I’ll be able to get a little more acquainted with him. Even Jerry Lester was put in the shade by Victor, but then Jerry wasn’t given may good lines tonight, so it wasn’t exactly his fault. There was an English comedian on the program too. He wasn’t very good, but he made the third comedian. All they needed was Bob Hope and they could have played Bridge.

Dear Diary,

Jerry Lester was coloss tonight, absolutely stupen! He and Bing kept going around all evening whispering to each other about how mean “he” was to “her” and how “he” beat “here” so much she had to wear a turban to hide her cauliflower ears, and all that kinda stuff. They kept it up for a whole hour. They’d be talking about something entirely different, then all of a sudden Jerry would say, “Say, Cros, have you heard the latest? ‘That guy’ stomped through her kitchen and made her angel-cake fall.”—or something of that sort. They finally admitted that “him” was the villain.

Dear Diary,

Wowski! I believe I’m beginning to like Jerry Lester. In fact, I know it. He was terrific tonight. I don’t usually like comedians who try to imitate Bob Hope (namely Red Skelton), but Jer is so good that I just can’t help liking him. He imitates Bob some, but he has a style that belongs only to Jerry Lester. He goes so far as to take the spotlight from Bing Crosby, but they’re two different types of people and can’t easily be compared.

Dear Diary,

Ah, ’tis good to hear “Thanks for the Memory” on Bob Hope’s show again. I think it actually peps him up and gives him courage, or something. At any rate, I can’t remember when his show has been better. He said that he tried to get in the football game the other day without playing. He threw his blanket over him and tried to crawl under the fence, but before he could stand up he had been sold to Bing Crosby. His gues tonight was Betty Hutton. Next week his guest will be Adolph Menjou.

Dear Diary,

The old groaner came back on the air tonight, thank heavens. I was getting so tired of Don Ameche that I could have screamed. As always, Bing and Jerry were cute together, but Jer didn’t have as many of those nice juicy lines as he usually has. I hadn’t noticed it so much before, but while Bing was gone Jerry Lester, not Don Ameche, was the star of the program. Now Bing is back and no one but the mighty Bob Hope could take the spotlight away from Bing.

Dear Diary,

Madeliene Carroll was Fred Allen’s guest tonight. She said “All my life I’ve wanted to work with a grat comedian.” Allen said, “And now you’re satisfied?” She said, “Yes, next week I start work on a picture with Bob Hope.” Allen: “Hope? Hope? Who’s he?” Carroll: “Why, you know him. He made several pictures with Bing Crosby. You know Bob Hope. He’s a great comedian.” F.A.: “Hope? Crosby? I never heard of them.” M.C.: “What? You never saw one of the pictures starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Dorothy Lamour?” F.A.: “Oh! Dorothy Lamour! Why didn’t you say so? Miss Carroll, there are only two things to see in a Dorothy Lamour picture, and they’re not Hope and Crosby!”

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope! Stop! You’re getting too darn good. You can’t get much better, it’s impossible, but slow down, please. I’m getting a nervous breakdown trying to keep up with you.

Bob says that when he went duck hunting he saw Bing Crosby on his roof with a gun. Bob said, “Duck hunting?” Bing said, “I’m shooting everything. I’m not taking any chances.” Bob’s guest tonight was Billie Burke. They make a cute couple – Billie and Silly – or – Burke and—well?

Dear Diary,

I bought a magazine today that had a long article about Bob Hope in it. They called him a goodwill ambassador because of all his benefits and personal appearances in behalf of Pan-Americanism and stuff. There was also a lot in it about how Bob is always rushing around doing things and can’t stay in one place too long. They quoted Bing Crosby once. Bing called Bob “Itchy-foot.”

Dear Diary,

We went to Del Mar early today, because I wanted to see, as well  as hear, the quiz program. Bing Crosby left for Argentina yesterday so Pat O’Brien took his place on the program. Well, I not only saw the program, but I answered a question, the judges picked my answer as best, and the next thing I knew I was walking down a long corridor to where Pat O’Brien was waiting to sing for the winner. I sat in the seat of honor, and in the middle of Pat’s chorus I asked a question that was on a card some man handed me. The man patted me on the shoulder after I read it, and said I did swell. I found out later that “the man” was Ken Carpenter.

I didn’t see Bob Hope at the races, but that was more than made up for.

Dear Diary,

Tonight on the “Millions for Defense” program Barry Wood asked Eddie Cantor if he had heard any of the previous shows. Eddie said, “I heard the Bob Hope, Dorothy Lamour, Bing Crosby show. That Bob Hope is really hot stuff. But maybe you noticed that in his last picture he made one mistake. You’ve seen those clothes Dorothy Lamour has been wearing in her pictures lately? Well, if you ask me, she’s the one who is ‘Caught in the Draft.'”

From the new Movie-Radio Guide: “‘They Got Me Covered,’ Bob Hope’s comic autobiography, is scheduled to go on sale this fall. It’s a self-kidding piece of work, with a foreword by Bing Crosby. The publishers are starting with a large runoff for the first edition, evidently expecting a heavy sale.”

Heavy sale is right. I’m going to buy out the stores! (Maybe)

Dear Diary,

D.L. got sick in the night last night, so we didn’t go to Del Mar today. We listened to Bing Crosby’s quiz over the radio. When he asked one lady where she was from, she laughed and said Pamona. Bing said, “You don’t have to laugh. Just because Bob Hope makes fun of it is no reason you should laugh at it.”

I’d like to spend a few days in Los Angeles. I want to drive out near the Lakewood golf course and see if I can find Mr. & Mrs. Bob Hope’s place of residence. If I found it, I’d try to go up to his front door.

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby ended another season on the Kraft Music Hall tonight. Don Ameche will take his place for a few weeks while Bing is on vacation. He will probably spend most of his time at Del Mar.

Speaking of vacations, I wonder what Bob Hope is doing now besides making a few pictures, writing a book, and appearing at benefits. What a vacation!

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper this morning that the Hollywood restaurant, Pirate’s Den, owned jointly by such notables as Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, Ken Murray, Rudy Vallee, Joel McCrea and Johnny Weismuller, would probably go out of business in a few weeks due to a little incident the other night. A Los Angeles judge came in, had three beers, received a check for $6, complained, got thrown out, pulled a few legal strings, and blooey!

Dear Diary,

I found something in a magazine today that I thought was pretty cute. It went like this: “Bing Crosby showed up on the set wearing a disreputable old hat. ‘Not bad for a dime,’ cracked Bob Hope, ‘but what did you do with the cracker-jacks?’ ”

Just leave it to Bob to think of a crack like that!

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour were guests on the “Millions For Defense” program tonight. Here is a sample of their looney conversation: Bob: “Say, Bing, did you buy that shirt or did you sneak up behind it and beat it to death?” Bing: “Aw, this is really dull now. You oughtta see it when I plug it in.”

They sang a song together about their “Road” pictures, but every time they sang something funny they’d laugh so hard they couldn’t sing the next line. Bing and Bob tried to see which could go lower. They both went so low it was impossible to tell.

Dear Diary,

I listened to “Millions For Defense” tonight. Mickey Rooney was one of the guests and since the program was in New York they switched to Hollywood for him. He was in an empty studio. He said, “I’m alone. No audience. Why, there aren’t even any relatives in the front row like Bob Hope uses.”

Bob Hope, by the way, will be one of the guests next week. Two others will be Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour, so that ought to be plenty good. I may be in camp next Wednesday, but I’ll listen to that program anyway.

Dear Diary,

There was an article in the paper this morning about the various illnesses and worry the stars went through. It named several stars who were weak and tired most of the time and several who got fat if they ate more than a salad.

“To wind up in a healthier note, strong boys and girls, apart from those mentioned, (Mickey Rooney, Clark Gable, George Raft are also healthy), include Linda Darnell, Erroll Flynn, Lupe Valez, Bing Crosby, Robert Taylor, Jon Hall, Joan Blondell and Bob Hope, whose vitality is apparently inexhaustible.”

Dear Diary,

From Hedda Hopper’s Hollywood: “Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, John Carroll and Mary Healy all begged off work the other day at their studios in order to lpay off a golf match, but ran into Peter Lind Hayes at the club, making a 16mm, color film for his mother’s birthday. So the foursome ended up working for Peter, and his mother is going to get an impromptu opus in color with an all-star cast. Nice going, I calls it!”

Dear Diary,

As I said yesterday, Kay Kyser wasn’t nearly as good on Bing Crosby’s program tonight as he was on Bob Hope’s program several weeks ago. But then, that’s only natural, since Bob’s program is so much better than Bing’s anyway. Now Bob has been on Bing’s program, Bing has been on Bob’s program, and Kay has been on both programs, so now it’s time for Bob and Bing to be Kay’s program. (I wish.)

Dear Diary,

From Hedda Hopper’s newspaper column today: “Bob Hope says it’s a wise crack that knows its own father.”

Kay Kyser said tonight that he would be a guest on Bing Crosby’s program tomorrow night. That ought to be pretty good, but I’ll bet it won’t be as good as Bob Hope and Kay Kyser were on Bob’s program.

Dear Diary,

There was a picture in the Times Herald today of Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Pat O’Brien, and Ann Sheridan. It was taken at a benefit. Bob Hope and Pat O’Brien were in black-face. Gosh, Bob looked natural! Ann Sheridan was kissing Pat O’Brien. Bob was looking at them and Bing Crosby was just looking dopey, as usual.

Dear Diary,

Jack Benny pulled only one good joke today. He was on the trail of a murderer at the Paramount Theatre. Phil Harris and his band are playing there now and Jack Benny said, “Look at that marquee. Bob Hope and Bing Crosby in “The Road To Zanzibar” and Phil Harris in “The Road to Any Bar.”

Dear Diary,

Mrs. White gave me a picture of Bob Hope today. It is from “The Road To Zanzibar” and was taken from the scene where Bob and Bing are in big wooden cages waiting to be devoured. Bing Crosby looks like a dope, as usual, and, as usual, Bob is very handsome. His hair is streaming over his forehead and his eyes are as big a fifty-cent pieces.

I dreamed about Bob and Betty Lou and me last night.

Dear Diary,

I saw The Road To Zanzibar” twice today. I’ve already seen it almost as many times as I saw “The Road To Singapore.” I’m really going to have a hard tie seeing “Caught In the Draft” as many times as “The Road To Zanzibar.”

All the reviewers gave the picture to Bob Hope. One of them said, “Bob Hope and Bing Crosby—to name them in the order of their importance—”

At about the end of the review he said, “Bing Crosby isn’t so bad in this picture, and Bob Hope, of course, is a genius.”

Dear Diary,
Betty Lou and I saw “The Road To Zanzibar” twice today. While we were waiting in line people all around us were talking about the show being Bob Hope’s from the beginning. In the show, every time Bob said something somebody around us would say, “Isn’t he the cutest thing?” I didn’t know so many people liked Bob Hope. I certainly can’t blame them though. One reviewer said, “Crosby and Lamour make several songs endurable although they break into Mr. Hope’s priceless routine.” She wasn’t kidding.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope was Bing Crosby’s guest tonight. The other guest, John O’hara, revealed the fact that Bob’s real name is Leslie Townes Hope. That wasn’t news to me but it was to most people. Bing brought up the uear 1891 as the year the railroad completely replace the pony express. Bob said, “Three guesses as to who got the pony.” Bob and Bing got to arguing about who was the better golfer. Connie Boswell said, “So that’s what happened to that golf tour you and Bing were planning to take through Texas.” Bob said, “No, we heard from Texas. They told us to go through Oklahoma—but fast.”

Once Bing mentioned John Scott Trotter and Bob said, “You know, it’s nice working with an ocrhestra leader I can see for a change.”

Dear Diary,

It seems like everyone talked about Bob Hope today. Fred Allen was talking about the circus opening in New York. He asked the keeper of the hyenas what he did with them then the circus was closed. The keeper said he rented them to Bob Hope to mix in with his audience during broadcasts. At the round-table discussion there was a man who had been in the racing business for many years. Allen said that if Bing Crosby stayed in the business that long maybe he’d live to see one of his horses win a race. He said Hope probably did Crosby’s horses more harm than Crosby did.

Kay Kyser asked another question about what comedian signs off the air with a certain theme song. He sang “The Breeze and I.” He was supposed to sound like Bob Hope but he was about a fifth too low for Bob. (It wouldn’t have sounded like Bob even if he had been high enough.)

Dear Diary,

Boy, am I glad I listened to Bing Crosby tonight! Wow! I might have misssed his program next week and I sure wouldn’t want to do that, because next week his guest will be Bob Hope. He will have only two guests, weheas he usually has three or four. That will mean more time devoted to Bob Hope. That is really going to be good. On a full hour program Bob will have time to hatch his eggs and send them to Capistrano.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s guest tonight was Una Merkel. The program wsn’t as good as it has been lots of times but it was wtill plenty good. He sang “Let’s Get Away From It All” as his solo tonight. Since Una Merkel is in “The Road To Zanzibar”, they talked about it a little. Bob said, “That Bing Crosby! Why does he always win Dorothy Lamour? After all, what has Crosby got that I can’t adopt?”

Not only is Bob going to be Kate Smith’s guest Friday, but Kate Smith is going to be Bob’s guest next Tuesday.

Dear Diary,

Mrs. White gave me a cute picture of Bob Hope today. It’s from “The Road To Zanzibar” and it’s taken from his “Human Icycle” stunt. Bing Crosby is standing by, doing the talking and right behind him is a big sign that says: Fearless Frazier—Frozen Four Days in A Mammoth Cake of Ice.

Bob is sitting on three or four big cakes of ice. I’ll bet that’s the first time he ever got a hot-foot in reverse.

Bob’s got on tights and and his shoes are high-top lace shoes. He has on a silver collar and cuffs, and he’s so darn cute.

Dear Diary,

In the morning paper there was another artical about Bob Hope being Kate Smith’s first Hollywood guest on her program next week. She will spend about two months in Hollywood and Bob will appear next week in the radio adaptation of “The Road To Zanzibar,” with Dorothy Lamour and Una Merkel. If there’s any singing to be done this time, by golly, Bob and Dorothy will do it without Bing sticking his foot in the middle of things

Der Diary,

Bob Hope wasn’t as good tonight as I thought he would be. Bing Crosby was his guest, and instead of Bob singing a solo tonight, that darned Bing Crosby had to go and sing. At least they could have sung a guet. The show tonight wasn’t as good as the one Kay Kyser was on two weeks ago. Bob’s jokes were cornier than usual but even at that he’s super-colossal.

When he was announcing the guest for next week he started to say, “The best comedian in Hollywood,” but he changed it to, “One of the best comediennes, Una Merkel.”

Dear Diary,

Tonight Bing Crosby didn’t even mention that he was going to be on Bob Hope’s program next week but I wasn’t expecting him to very much anyway.

When I was at the drugstore today I asked Miss Morrow if she had a certain magazine in. I had missed it and it had an article on Bob Hope in it. The drugstore didn’t have it but there was a lady in the store who said she had a copy and that she would bring to the drugstore and Miss Morrow could give it to me. That means about six more pictures for my collection.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s guest tonight was Dizzy Daen. It was one of Bob’s best shows. They were talking about baseball players and Dizzy said, “Have you ever met my brother — Daffy?” Bob really did some fancy muffing tonight. He muffed one word three times and when he finally got that straight he started muffing another. The first time he said, “Wait a minute. I’ll come back.” About the fourth time he said, “That’s all right. Go ahead and talk to each other while we rehearse.” The last time he was talking to Bill Goodwin and he said, “You just read your lines tonight; I’m lousy.” As his solo tonight he sang “Alexander Is a Swoose.” The program will really be good next week because Bing Crosby will be Bob’s guest.

Dear Diary,

One of Bing Crosby’s guests tonight was Lionel Barrymoore. Bing said, “Lionel, how have you done it? Year afer year you keep making pictures. It looks like you’d get tired of it.” Barrymoore replied, “Oh, I don’t get tired of it, but don’t know how the public has taken it.” Bing: If they can take guys like Bob Hope and me, then they can take you.

Another guest was Eddie Bracken. Bing said he met Eddy on the set of Bob Hope’s picture, “Caught In the Draft”, and decided to invited Eddie over before he got drafted.

I bought a magazine today that had several pictures of Bob Hope and some English refugee children. Bob was entertaining them on a ranch in Palm Springs.

Dear Diary,

Today Hedda Hopper shattered my dreams. Bob Hope and Bing Crosby were going to go on a golf tour over the country and would have come to Dallas. That’s where Hedda Hopper comes in. Today she said, “The golf tour planned by Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, which would have taken them to Dallas and Ft. Worth and to a match with the Duke of Windsor in Florida, was called off five minutes ago because Bing has to report for work on a new picture.” I have one consolation though. I found out in the morning paper that Paramount had succeeded in buying the screen rights to “Louisiana Purchase” and that Bob Hope had been assigned the leading role.