Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper today that Madeleine Carroll and Stirling Hayden have begun a long-delayed honeymoon. Golly, what’s Bob Hope doing to do now. He can’t publicly chase a married woman, as he has been doing with Mady. I guess he’ll have to stick strictly so such gals as Hedy Lamarr, Paulette Goddard, and Dottie Lamour – at least until those fair damsels get hitched (again). Bob may surprise everyone and start talking about his wife. After all, he could have done much, much worse than he did. Mrs. H. is a might pretty gal to have for a wife.

 

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Dear Diary,

I listened to Bob Hope by short wave today. I was eating broiled fish at the time, so if anything smelled, it definitely was not Bob. He pulled one cute gag about his nose that I had forgotten since last Tuesday night. It came up in the program for some reason, as usual, and Bob said, “Go ahead. Make fun of my nose, but it sure comes in handy for measuring my three gallons.” He sure had fun with Madeleine Carroll when she muffed her first good joke. I thought the two of them would never stop laughing. Gee, I’ll bet it would be fun to laugh with Bob Hope instead of at him for a change.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope was at the air corps training station at Mitchell Field, Long Island, tonight. Those boys at the field weren’t the only ones who were flying hight tonight, because Madeleine Carroll was Bob’s guest. Mady kissed Bob once, and Bob stood there stuttering and stammering so long that Mady finally said, “Oh come now, Bob, stop flattering me. You know that kiss didn’t affect you that much.” Bob said, “Oh, no, it didn’t affect me at all. I’m just waiting for my mind to come back from maneuvers!” Since he’s so near New York, Bob said, “I’m glad to be in the metropolitan area again. The metropolitan area—that’s anywhere Fiorello can reach by fire truck.” Bob mentioned something about his little brother, George, being in the army on the west coast now. One down, six to go. I wonder who’s next.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope was in Quantico, (Is that the way to spell it?) Virginia, tonight, at a marine base. He’s staying in Washington, so naturally he talked about it all evening. He pulled that gag that he used on the Victory Caravan about finding out what D.C. stands for. Tonight he said, “Darned Crowded,” but those aren’t the words he used May 11. They were just a tiny bit stronger than that. Bob didn’t have a guest tonight, but won’t he be happy next week! Madeleine Carroll yet! Bob was talking to Frances Langford about the girls in Washington and Frances said, “Bob, you should be able to get a date with some nice girl here.” Bob said, “Yes, I did, but every time I got close to her, she’d move away. It was just no soap.” Fran: “How come?” Bob: “No soap!” Bob was talking about Crosby and said, “I should have given him another lift. Bing isn’t used to such speed.” (See preceding page)

Dear Diary,

Madeleine Carroll was Bill Stern’s guest tonight, and naturally she talked about Bob Hope. She said that she didn’t excell in any sports, but that she had a friend (Bob Hope by name) who claimed he played a wonderful game of golf. Then she added, “But you know Bob.”

Speaking of Mady, I saw her and Bob in the previews of “My Favorite Blond” today. I wanted them to show a picture of Percy the Penguin, but they just showed a guy they called Bob Hope. I never heard of him.

Jean and I stayed up till after midnight tonight talking and playing dominoes, but mostly talking. Naturally Jean beat me at dominoes but we tied in the talking part of it.

Dear Diary,

I’m afraid to believe my eyes. I saw something in the morning paper that is too good to be true. It just doesn’t happen to me, so it must not be true. To think—twice in three months. Maybe I’d better explain myself. There was an incomplete list in the paper of the stars to appear in Dallas May 11 for the Army-Navy Relief show. Bob Hope is coming!

Tonight Fred Allen told about all the trouble he had trying to see Bob Hope and Madeleine Carroll in “My Favorite Blond.” He couldn’t get a seat, even though the man outside said there were plenty, and Fred kept demanding his 99¢ back. He devoted about twenty minutes telling about his struggles, and said it always happened at big-name pictures like that.

Dear Diary,

Well, I was in bed all day again today, and I’m afraid I’m in for it again tomorrow, since I still have a little fever (between 98.5˚ and 99.5˚ most of the day.)

I saw in the paper today that Ann Gillis is again being condisered for Bob Hope’s summer show. Gosh the time has ceratinly rolled around. Just a few more weeks (well, not much more than that) until Bob goes on his summer vacation. I’m not sure, but I think his vacation starts June 16. That’s only about ten weeks more.

Jimmie Fidler gave “My Favorite Blond” three bells today. He said the supporting cast was excellent, but the lion’s share of acting honors went to Bob Hope and Madeleine Carroll. (Natcherly!)

Dear Diary,

I guess I was so mad last night while listening to Bing Crosby that I didn’t hear the mention of my true love. It seems that Walter Huston was showing Bing and Mary Martin a picture of Madeleine Corroll’s home, as a sample of fine architecture, and Mary remarked, “It’s a lovely house, but look at that strange fire-plug. It has such a long snout.” Bing said, “That’s no fire-plug; That’s Bob Hope.”

My! my! how clever our Mr. Crosby is becoming. But he wasn’t clever enough to keep Jerry Lester. That, I can’t get over!

I got several new pictures of Bob today. I guess I’ll have to take time off some day and count all those pictures of mine. There must be a million of ’em.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s show was so good tonight (March 31) I believe I’ll continue the discussion here. Bob was talking about the premiere of “My Favorite Blonde” which was held last night. He said, “When I came on the screen, a man in back of me started applauding, so I turned around and said, ‘Thanks for the applause. I’m Bob Hope.’ He replied, ‘I’m not applauding. I have a portable and I’m listening to “Deep in the Heart of Texas.”‘” Still speaking of the premier, Bob said, “Kissing Madeleine Carroll and making love scenes with her is just another day’s work to me.” Andy Devine said, “Gosh, Bob, what do you want out of life?” Bob replied, “Just another day’s work!” What a man! But then, can you blame him? I can’t.

* Wednesday February 11

Dear Diary,

I have more room here so I can go into detail a little more about seeing Bob Hope. I got there a little early and watched Bob get in a few practice shots. I really didn’t expect him to be half as good as he was, but he fooled me. I also saw Bing Crosby and Johnny Weismuller practicing. I didn’t see Bing any after that, but I saw Johnny once more. I was walking along behind Bob (close enough to touch him) when we passed the foursome Weismuller was in. Bob yelled over and asked him how “Tarzan” was doing, and ended by attempting a Tarzan yell. Johnny made a “V for victory” sign with his fingers and actually let out part of the famous yell.

Although I have seen Bob before, I have never seen him so close. He actually is handsomer off the screen that I think he is on, and I heard a lot of other people saying so too. Every time Bob made a shot he’s do something to let out his emotions. On one particularly hard hold, everyone else in his foursome was just barely making it in par, and up popped Bob who made it in just about half of par. He started jumping up and down and flapping his arms as if they were wings. On another hole he shot a beautiful ball and everyone just knew it would land right on the green, but it fooled us and went right over it. He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and moaned, “Oh, no! No! They can’t do this to us. Somebody call a cop!”

Bob was walking along with a bunch of small boys once, when Louise Suggs, another member of Bob’s foursome, ran into a couple of the boys. She said, “Pardon me, boys.” And without an instant’s hesitation Bob sang, “Pardon me, boys. It that the Chatanooga Choo-Choo? Well, yes!”

Bob wore a sweater that is rather difficult to describe. It wasn’t red and it wasn’t wine colored. It just struck a medium—and not a very happy one either. However, I must admit it made it easy for me to find him when he mingled with the crowd. He wore dark gray pants, and his shoes—well, they just about the the description Crosby gave them in “The Road To Zanzibar”—twelve double a’s. At least that’s the ipression I got at first glance. I gradually got used to them.

When that gang of boys was following Bob, one of them made a remark that Bob pretended not to like one bit. He said, “Listen, sonny, I’m too big to beat you up, and my kid’s too little, but I’ll bet if he saw you he’d spit in your eye!”

Every once in a while Bob’s ball was between the cup and some other ball. When that happened, he would drop a coin where the ball was and move the ball out of the way. He always had a hard time finding the coin, but one time in particular he spent about four minutes just turning around and looking for the place where he dropped the coin. Finally someone in the gallery yelled, “What’s the matter, Bob, don’t you know where your ball’s supposed to be?” Bob answered, “To heck with the ball! Where’s my dime?” Once he accidentaly dropped several coins and someone asked him if he was rich. He said, “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just bragging.”

By the end of the eighteenth hole I was no longer walking—my feet were just moving from memory. Bob looked at a couple of boys and said, “You want to earn an easy 50¢? Just carry me the rest of the way in.”

However, he wasn’t too tired to kid the spectators a little after the game, over the loudspeaking system. He say, “Boy, on those first nine holes I was really going to town, but on the last nine I was pretty stupid. I took one swing at my ball and missed. I took another swing and missed. There were two little ants sitting on the ground, and one of them said to the other, ‘For heaven’s sake, let’s get up on the guy’s ball before he murders us.'” In speaking of Mady Carroll he said, “Mady and I are just like that. (Holding up three fingers.) That’s Will Hayes in the middle.”

The crowd wanted him to sing “Thanks for the Memory” but all we could get out him were gags and the first line.

Dear Diary,

I saw the most unusual thing about Bob Hope’s new picture in the paper today. He and Madeleine Carroll are the stars, but it appears that as a surprise the producers put in a cute little sequence involving one Bing Crosby. His name will not appear on any billing, but he does play a bit part. In one scene Bob was walking along a dark street and stopped to ask a fellow for a match. The “fellow” turned out to be Bing Crosby. Bob walked on a few steps, stopped suddenly, turned around, and murmured, “It can’t be!”

That picture (“My Favorite Blond”) sounds like it’s going to be a rip-snorter. Bob Hope is a vaudeville entertainer and Mady Carroll is suspected of being a spy. Bob gets mixed up with her and before you know it, Bob is suspected too.

Dear Diary,

Boy, if Bob Hope ever got publicity he got it from Bing Crosby tonight. Mady Carroll was one of Bing’s guests, and where there’s Carroll there’s talk of Hope. Bing said until Hope started in on her, people had thought of Mady as a beautiful, intelligent actress. But when “Chisel chin” finished talking about her peop;le thought of her as the kind of dame who walked through French doors without opening them. Hmm—could be.

Sam Sneade was another guest. He was there mainly because he and Bing are partners in a golf match in San Diego. Bing asked Sam how he thought they’d do in the match. Sam said, “I don’t know. You see I have a pretty big handicap—Crosby.” Bing said, “You should worry about a little think like that. Ben Hogan has Hope.”

Can you imagine—B.H. (Bob Hope) is a golf partner of B.H. (Ben Hogan).

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope was on the March of Dimes tonight. (One of dozens) He was really cutting up. He got mixed up so much it was almost pitiful. Once he was trying to day, “I wet my lips to lick an envelope.” All he could say was, “I wet my licks to lip an envelope.” He tried three times, but he never could do it, He almost begged the audience to believe he had something to say. He said, “See, it’s written right here. Please believe me it is.”

In talking about his new picture with Mady Carroll Bob said, “In one love scene Mady was running her fingers lovingly through my beautiful curly brown locks—yeah, curly. She smiled tenderly and whispered a word in my ear—Dandruff.'”

Believe it or not, as much as I talk about Bob the rest of the show was good too.

Dear Diary,

Bing Crosby was as good tonight as he’s been in a long time. Victor Borge wasn’t quite as good as usual, but Jerry Lester had never been better. And I mean never. He was hitting on all cylinders. As a matter of fact, he reminded me of Bob Hope more tonight than he ever has before, and he always reminds me of him a little. I don’t think it’s intentional. He just seems to open his mouth and out it comes. One of his stooges  mis-pronounced his name tonight, and almost called him Mr. Lettuce. Right there was when he sounded most like Bob—telling the girl how to spell and pronounce his name.

When Bing was announcing next week’s guests, he said, “Next week we’ll be joined by—wait’ll Hope hears—Madeleine Carroll. (I’ll bet when Hope hears, he’ll also be on Bing’s show next week.)

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s guest tonight was Edward Everett Horton. He was good, but Bob has had better guests.

Bob was talking to Frances Langford about the new picture he’s making with M. Carroll. He said something about the window between his and Mady’s dressing rooms, and Frances said, “And isn’t that a cute idea of hers—barbed wire curtains.” Bob replied, “Yes, it keeps out the sun—my mother’s.”

Jerry Colonna and Bob got into one of their famous quarrels over how to pronounce a word. Jerry said, “Tinks.” Bob said, “Tanks.” “Tinks.” “Tanks,” “Tinks” “Tanks.” Jerry finally said, “Anyone who listens to this program knows it’s tinks!” I didn’t especially care for all the applause that followed that remark, and apparently Bob didn’t either, because he said, “No applause there, please.”

They got into three of those arguments. I hope they don’t run it completely in the ground, because so far it’s been kinda cute to hear them try to invent a substitute for the Hut Sut Song.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s guest tonight was Madeleine Carroll. They had a swell time talking about Christmas, and especially about all the cheap gifts Bob gave everyone. When Ben Gage introduced Bob to Madeleine, he gave him such a wonderful build-up that Bob said, “If that’s me you’re talking about, let’s not be ridiculous.”

At the end of the program the whole gang sang “Silent Night.”

I sent that darned yo-yo to Bob today. After I had mailed it I got cold feet, but it was too late then.

Dear Diary,

Pat O’Brien was Bob Hope’s guest tonight, and same as last time, they were terrif together. They even sang a couple of songs like they did the last time Pat was Bob’s guest. In Bob’s skit he and Pat did a program for a finance company. Bob said, “Remember, if you need money, try us. And if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and then stop—there’s no use being silly about it.” When Pat was first introduced, he said, “Hello, Bob. What’s cooking?” Bob said, “Oh, nothing—it always smells like that around here.” Madeleine Carroll will be Bob’s guest next week.

Dear Diary,

Madeliene Carroll was Fred Allen’s guest tonight. She said “All my life I’ve wanted to work with a grat comedian.” Allen said, “And now you’re satisfied?” She said, “Yes, next week I start work on a picture with Bob Hope.” Allen: “Hope? Hope? Who’s he?” Carroll: “Why, you know him. He made several pictures with Bing Crosby. You know Bob Hope. He’s a great comedian.” F.A.: “Hope? Crosby? I never heard of them.” M.C.: “What? You never saw one of the pictures starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Dorothy Lamour?” F.A.: “Oh! Dorothy Lamour! Why didn’t you say so? Miss Carroll, there are only two things to see in a Dorothy Lamour picture, and they’re not Hope and Crosby!”

Dear Diary,

I got a movie magazine today that had a game of truth or consequences, conducted, of course, with Bob Hope on the recieving end of the questions. About the cutest was Bob’s definition of a glamour girl. He said a glamour girl is “Mascara, wired for sound.” One of the consequences was that he write a poem to Madeliene Carroll. Boy! what a poem!

Dear Diary,

From Louella Parsons’ column: “Here’s a little off-stage laugh on Bob Hope; is his face red ever since it was printed that he had a large autographed picture of Madeleine Carroll in his dressing room to ‘the dearest, wittiest, handsomest, most lovable boy in the world’ because Madeleine didn’t write that tender inscription. Bob did!”

Dear Diary,

I saw in the paper today that Bob Hope is mistaken for a spy in his next picture, “My Favorite Blond.” Bob plays a smart-alec small town vaudevillian who get mixed up with a supposed gestapo agent, actually a British secret agent, to be played by Madeleine Carroll. They meet on a train and the first thing you know Bob is also suspected. I can just see Bob trying to dodge the secret agents.

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow decides whether I will be in the spelling bee or not. I sure hope I am. The prizes sure are pretty. They are gold, silver, and bronze medals. I’d rather have the silver one than the others, and my second choice would be the bronze. For some reason or other I don’t seem to want the gold one. Ha!

In the paper today I saw that Bob Hope is going to make a picture with M. Carroll called “The Lady in Pursuit.” It sounds good. I hope they start making it soon so it will come out during the summer and I will have time to see it a lot.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope was on Lux Radio Theatre tonight with M. Carrol in a play called “Love is News.” This was the first time I have heard him on the radio since his last program last spring. He is really swell.