Dear Diary,

I listened to Bob Hope by short wave for the last time today. I had completely forgotten one of the cutest jokes on last Tuesday night’s show until I heard the transcription this morning. Bob asked Skinnay where he was spending his vacation this year, and Skinnay replied, “I’m going down south where men are men.” Bob said, “Well, shut my mouth, how do they explain you?” I sure hope these transcriptions are continued net year. It’s a big help to tune in on Saturday morning and hear the joke you swore the Tuesday before you would remember, but didn’t.

 

Dear Diary,

Tonight was Bob Hope’s last show of the season. For thirteen weeks I’ll be completely Hopeless. Bob was broadcasting from a submarine base in New London, Connecticut, tonight. Since this was his last show he followed his regular custom of reviewing the shows of the past season. One of the gags he brought back was among my favorites. It was presented on the first program dramatizing his book. His mother said, “I’ve had children before, but this is ridiculous!” Later he and Skinnay were talking about girls. Skinnay asked Bob what girls were, and Bob said, “You know, those soft things you squeeze.” Skinnay said, “Oh, frogs!”

So long till next fall, Bob.

Dear Diary,

Skinnay Ennis was the guest on the Fitch Band Wagon today. It was only natural that he talked about Bob Hope a lot. He told a cute story about something that happened in Houston while they were there with the Victory Caravan. It was on Tuesday night, so Bob had to take time out to give his weekly broadcast for the soldiers at Ellington Field. The two auditoriums are in the same building, and separated only by a heavy curtain. So, Bob sneaked all the stars of the Caravan over to his own show before it went on the air. The soldiers got a free show which would regularly have cost several dollars.

Dear Diary,

I saw Jerry Lester and Skinnay Ennis in “Sleepytime Gal” tonight. Jerry is an ugly little mutt, and as corny as they come, but there’s something about the guy you can’t resist. I can’t imagine what it could be, but, nevertheless, it’s there. He certainly hasn’t got looks (like Bob Hope has), and he hasn’t got the ease and self-assurance Bob has, but there’s no getting around it – Jerry Lester has got what it takes to become a first-class comedian.

Bob Hope wrote an article in Liberty this week called “The Sky’s the Limit.” As you might guess from the title, it’s about flying in general and the army and navy air corps in particular. I had no idea he had written the article, so I got a nice surprise plus a cute picture of Bob.

Dear Diary,

If I weren’t such a good girl, I’d curse like a sailor right now. I don’t know who caused it or why, but Jerry Lester’s contract has been dropped, and he is no longer on the Kraft Music Hall. I noticed last week that Bing Crosby didn’t mention Jerry for this week’s program, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. Then I saw in the paper this morning that Mary Martin’s and Victor Borge’s contracts had been renewed, but there was no mention of Jerry. And the final blow was that Jerry wasn’t on the show tonight. Dam—uh, darn it anyhow. At any rate, I will soon be seeing Jer in “Sleepy Time Gal,” a picture also boasting Skinnay Ennis, a certain orcherstra leader on a certain Bob Hope radio program.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope really did “dispose of” Betty Hutton, but, as I feared, Skinnay Ennis sang in her place. Right after Bob’s first five-minute solo he introduced the announcer, but Skinnay rushed in to say that he wasn’t there yet. He told Bob to be funny and tell a few gags until Larry arrived. Bob said, “Gosh, let me think. Oh, yes, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the San Diego Marine Base today, and I wish I could remember what it was. O-o-o, my writers told me there’d be times like this.” Bob and Skinnay gave the commercial by themselves (almost), but you might know Larry would phone in and help them (darn it). Bob pulled a couple of gags about Texas. One of them was, “Skinnay Ennis is the only singer who sings ‘Deep in the Heart of Texas’ from deep in the heart of an oxygen tent.” The other was much cuter, but I’ll be darned if I can remember it.

Dear Diary,

Jimmie Fidler said something today that I’ve been waiting months to hear. He said that Betty Hutton, of the Bob Hope show, would soon leave that program. He said that no reason had been given, but I don’t need any reason. The fact that she’s leaving is enough for me. It all started when Betty was Bob’s guest a couple of times. I didn’t like her then, and I liked her even less when she joined the show as a “regular.” Anyhow, she’s not going to be on any more. I only hope Bob fills in the time she took singing (?) by either more gags or his own singing. He’ll probably let Skinnay Ennis gasp out a song with his last few breaths from the days ration. As if poor Skinnay had all that extra breath to space. S.P.C.A., I’m calling you!

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s guest tonight was Edward Everett Horton. He was good, but Bob has had better guests.

Bob was talking to Frances Langford about the new picture he’s making with M. Carroll. He said something about the window between his and Mady’s dressing rooms, and Frances said, “And isn’t that a cute idea of hers—barbed wire curtains.” Bob replied, “Yes, it keeps out the sun—my mother’s.”

Jerry Colonna and Bob got into one of their famous quarrels over how to pronounce a word. Jerry said, “Tinks.” Bob said, “Tanks.” “Tinks.” “Tanks,” “Tinks” “Tanks.” Jerry finally said, “Anyone who listens to this program knows it’s tinks!” I didn’t especially care for all the applause that followed that remark, and apparently Bob didn’t either, because he said, “No applause there, please.”

They got into three of those arguments. I hope they don’t run it completely in the ground, because so far it’s been kinda cute to hear them try to invent a substitute for the Hut Sut Song.

Dear Diary

Bing Crosby’s program would have been awfully good tonight if I had heard it all, but Jeanne was using our typewriter and I couldn’t enjoy all the program. But what I heard was extra good. Victor Borge was wonderful with his “Mozart” opera, which had never before been heard. He was the tenor, soprano, chorus (which didn’t know why it was there, so it left without singing anything), the villain, and orchestra with piano accompaniment—all at once.

It appears that Jerry Lester is making a picture at Universal. It also appears that the picture he’s in is the same one that Skinnay Ennis is working in—the one I mentioned in the entry yesterday. That’s a coincidence, my one of my favorite comedians in a picture with the stooge of Bob Hope, my favorite.

Dear Diary,

In Hedda Hopper’s column today she said, “Skinnay Ennis, in ‘Sleepy Time Gal,’ says he could act much better if they’d only turn out the klieg lights. Bob Hope says if they did that, he’d look like an X-ray.”

Watching Mother put on her girdle today reminded me of a cute gag Bob Hope pulled last night. He said, “A lot of women are sacrificing their figures for defense. And that’s a good rule for all the ladies—Take the stranglers off you hip and knees to help us strangle the Nipponese.”

I never have heard whether or not I’m to be an air raid messenger. I guess the officials think I’m too young to go out and deliver messages during air raids, darn it. If I can’t do that, I guess I’ll have to try something else, because so far, all I’ve done is buy defense stamps.

Dear Diary,

Billie Burke was Bob Hope’s guest tonight—for the fourth time. But then, I guess she’s too busy to need any friends anyway.

In Bob’s sketch tonight, the announcer said, “Bob Hope and Skinnay Ennis became close friends. Together they went through—Thick and Thin.”

Bob had more “blow-ups” tonight than he’s had in a long time. I liked it, because it seemed like old times. And he didn’t have time for his theme song, which also seemed like old times.

Bob said a lot about his being in the Open Golf Tournament in Los Angeles this week, but he didn’t mention Dallas, because even if he does come, it won’t be for two weeks yet. The paper announced today that the Red Cross benefit golf game will be on February 10.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope’s show was naturally (?) dedicated to me tonight, since tomorrow is my birthday so I’ll just mention a few of the jokes he pulled for me.

1. “This is Bob Thansgiving Day Hope—Ah yes, Thanksgivings are here again.”

2. “I saw a turkey looking at a calendar and singing ‘Why Don’t We Do This Less Often?'”

3. In a sketch of Thanksgiving on Park Avenue, Frances L. said that bob was getting a little pot tummy. When they departed into the drawing-room, Bob said “James, steer it.” Frances said that she ate too much and Bob said, “Yes, I did too. James, burp me.”

4. In the chapter form Bob’s book tonight he was Packy East, pugulist with a capital pu; and Skinnay Ennis was his bosomless pal.”

The paper announced today that Skinnay Ennis would be at the Fort Worth Casino next Friday and Saturday. It’s too bad Bob Hope couldn’t come along just to draw a crowd for the orchestra, although that orchestra doesn’t have any trouble drawing a crowd on its own merits. It surely would be nice if Bob would come to Dallas though.

Dear Diary,

Bob Hope broadcast from the Naval Training Station at San Diego tonight. His guest was Priscilla Lane. He was wonderful tonight. He said, “Skinnay Ennis was showning off today. He walked up to a big sailor and said, ‘Well, blow me down’—and he did!” Bob told Brenda and Cobina that they could each chose one sailor to chaperon them for the evening. The two sailors fell flat on their backs. Bob yelled, “We lose more darn navies that way!”

Bob’s guest next week will be, of all people, Dorothy Lamour.

Dear Diary,

Skinnay Ennis was the guest on the Band Wagon today. He sure made fun of Bob Hope, since Hope wasn’t there to heckle him. Skinnay said, “After all, why should I let Bob Hope heckle me? Who is he but Bing Crosby’s Rochester?” Tobe Reed said, “Skinnay, what has Hope got that you don’t have?” Skinnay said, “He’s got thirty-five more pounds and a contract with Paramount.”

Bob Hope’s guest tonight was Ella Logan, a Scotch singer. Boy, what a program! He was hot tonight. He got cut short and didn’t get to sing his theme song, but he did finish his sketch. Bob ran a candy shop and told Skinnay to wrap up a box of candy for Jack Benny Skinnay said he was very thoughtful to send candy to a rival comedian. Bob said, “Yeh, and wrap it up good so the fuse won’t show.”

I read in the paper today that Jack Hope, one of Bob’s older brothers, got married yesterday.

Dear Diary,

I listened to Bob Hope tonight. His guest was Nigel Bruce. Bob actually sang a song tonight all by himself, and dog-gone if they didn’t like it. They applauded him more than they ever did for Skinnay Ennis. It all shows to go you. The words to the song were written by Ogden Nash and it was about George Washington.

They took a little too long for the song version and the program was cut off right after that ws over. He was going to say something, though, I hear him say, “Say, —.”

Dear Diary,

Boy, did I get a pleasant surprise this morning! I was reading this mornings paper and came across an article about a Dallas singer in the musical short at the Majestic. I started reading it very casually. ‘Carmene Calhoun, who appears currently in the musical short featuring Skinnay Ennis and his band at the Majestic, will fly to Dallas within the next two weeks with Ennis, Bob Hope, and Bing Crosby on the golf tour the comedians and band leader are making for the benefit of British War Relief.’

I may have started reading casually, but I didn’t stay that way long. I’ll have to start saving my money now for anything that might happen while he’s here (and believe me, plenty will!)

Dear Diary,

Tonight on Kay Kyser’s program he asked a lady what popular comedian signed off the air with “There I Go.” He made it clear that he didn’t come on with it but only signed off. The lady didn’t know it until he said, “‘Thanks For the Memory,’ Yehudi, Skinnay, Brenda and Cobina, I Hope the answer Bobs up.” Man, it sure wouldn’t have taken me half that long. In fact, they wouldn’t even have had to play the song because I knew it was Bob when he said a popular comedian who signs off the air with that song, and Bob comes on with “Where there’s life there’s Bob Hope.” — I’ll say!